if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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