Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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