people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
