now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
