i permit you to call me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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