I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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