he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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