She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
