I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
