I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
