quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
