Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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