unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
