What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
