I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
