he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
