It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
