I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
