party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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