toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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