Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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