We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
