I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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