I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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