Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
