They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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