Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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