I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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