then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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