My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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