Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
