My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
