My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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