My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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