I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
