So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
