i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
