Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
