her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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