Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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