I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
