we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
