Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
