just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
