I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
