my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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