We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
