Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
