The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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