So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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