Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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