Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
