Dude my mom stole all your condoms
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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