A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
