the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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