i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
