just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
