I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
