i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
did i just pee glitter
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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