I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
