You just made me feel so damn special
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
