There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
