one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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