Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
